PIECES OF ME - Dear You #2

Dear You,

When you left me hanging a few months back, I was in the shadows. I didn't know where to place myself or whether, you ignoring me was a clear sign that what happened between us was over. I didn't know if I should wait for you to comeback or I should just move on. I didn't know what to do. If it was all over, I wanted closure.

Which left me angry and frustrated.

That's why I said hateful words. Called you names. Insulted you. I was mad. I was lost and trapped in a limbo. And for that I am sorry. I should not have said those things.

But a few days ago, you came back. I saw you were back and I wanted to talk to you. I wanted to ask why. I wanted to understand.  I wanted it to end formally. I wanted closure. I wanted also to apologize for the hateful words that I've said. Plus, there was also this tiny spark of hope that maybe, just maybe, we could patch things up and be like what we were before.

And you gave me what I wanted. Closure. You told me you didn't want me in your life. You told me we were finished. Finally, I got the closure that I wanted.

Yet, why does it hurt so much? If I wanted it to end, why is it killing me inside?

And right now, I am lost again. Much more lost than before. Do I just move on again? Is that the only thing I could do, move on? I used to think that getting your heart broken a lot can make you an expert in moving on. But it doesn't. I've had too many heartaches and yet moving on is still hard.

I wish it didn't have to be this difficult. I wish us didn't have to end. Heck, I wish us didn't even started in the first place. Because I don't know what to do anymore.